I had to move to another car

I ride the subway at least once a day, which means that I see something creepy AT LEAST once a day. But usually, the creepiness wears off by the time I get home and then I don't remember the details well enough to post about the incident.

A week ago (see, this was obviously an especially creepy incident, I am still thinking about it a week later), I was riding the F train after work and there was only one seat left in the train car. That should have been taken as a warning, but I was tired and wanted to sit. So I sat down next to a somewhat disheveled looking guy. But that did not deter me, as lots of people look disheveled on the subway, often times including me, and everything is fine.

Anyway, I settled into my seat and then realized (maybe) why no one was sitting next to this guy: he was clipping his fingernails, then digging under his newly-clipped nails with his keys, AND digging for gold in his nose. In that order...over and over again. AHHHHHHHHHH!

This lasted for maybe 2 minutes, but it seemed like an eternity. I got off at the next stop and ran to another subway car. Maybe kind of drastic for this situation, but I had to physically remove myself from the situation because it was just freaking me out. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it now. I know this is totally OCD of me, but come on! Do that stuff at home!

That's TOTALLY creepy...and inappropriate...and unhygienic!

*Public transportation is so magical and creepy. Everyday, and many times a day, my opinion of it changes.

Someone needs to fire their proofreader

This is an ad on the NYC Subway for DELTA AIRLINES. It's not like it's for some tiny coffee shop that doesn't have a huge marketing budget. Even then, they'd probably AT LEAST read the ad out loud once, or have some 5-year-old read it out loud once, and hear that it's totally wrong.

The ad says (no joke): "A TICKET ENTITLES YOU TO MORE THAT JUST A SEAT"

Really? Am I entitled to more THAT just a seat? How about more THAN just a seat? I'd really like to feel entitled to some correct grammar as well. AHHHH! Stuff like this drives me nuts.

I don't have twitter, but if you do, tweet this to @deltanewsroom, @deltaairlines, @delta, @deltaassist, and use #deltafail. There's no email address to contact Delta Corporate. But they have all of these twitter accounts. Someone needs to get fired.

The Camel Was Stolen!

I can't believe I forgot to write an update about the camel incident. It turns out that the guy was trying to shove the camel into the trash can because he stole it from the little store/kiosk at the bottom of the stairs outside of the subway station.

I walked past the store a few days later and saw the camel being displayed outside. It all became clear after I saw it for sale. But it made me sad that the story I had created in my mind about the saddle being full of drugs (or sour patch kids) was most likely completely false. Boo.

Wooden Camel Drama on 4 Train Platform in the Bronx

I have the weirdest experiences riding the 4 train from the Bronx to Brooklyn after work every night. Tonight was a real treat.

As I was walking through the turnstile, I noticed a man carrying a wooden carved camel statue. It was about 18 inches long and 12 inches tall. Not a tiny wooden camel. I laughed a little just because it was SO RANDOM! The guy didn't have a bag or anything, JUST the camel.

After I walked up the stairs to the platform, the guy with the wooden camel ran up the stairs behind me and then ran over to the trash can. And then tried to STUFF THE WOODEN CAMEL into the trash can. Mind you, the trash cans on the platforms have a round opening that's only about 8 inches in diameter. Needless to say, the wooden camel did not fit. But dammit, that guy tried. He tried as hard as he could to shove that camel in the trash. To no avail. All the while, he is looking over his shoulder at the stairway with this wide-eyed, terrified look on his face. I moved away quickly because it just didn't seem like a good situation. In the end, the guy left the camel next to the trash can. It was really obvious and anyone walking by could totally see the camel.

Anyway...the guy that the camel guy was scared of came up the stairs a minute or so later and started looking around; I'm assuming...for the camel. He walked up to the camel guy and they exchanged a few words. Not loudly. Just between each other. The camel guy kept staring nervously at the trash can, waiting for the 2nd guy to figure out that the camel was stashed next to the trash can.

All the while, everyone on the platform is staring and just trying to figure out what the hell is going on, and trying to stay out of their way in case something bad went down. The train came and I got on, but watched the 2 guys through the open subway car doors. As the doors were closing, I saw the 2nd guy reach down and pick up the camel next to the trash can. And he held it up in the air and then...I don't know! The train pulled away and I will never know what happened. My best guess is that there was something in the camel's saddle that the 2nd guy wanted. Drugs? Sour Patch Kids?

The camel looked like this one but had a pouch on the saddle part:

It was really strange and maybe not TOTALLY CREEPY, but kind of creepy.

Monkey Baby

Do you ever read Parade on Sundays? There are always ads in the back for creepy collectible plates, "life-like" dolls, etc. This one is really special:

I'm pretty sure the only reason this things exists is because there is a show on TLC called "My Monkey Baby" that documents the lives of people that adopt and raise monkeys as their children: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/monkey-babies-couples-treat-adopted-monkids-children/story?id=8723105

The order form has a check box where you check to say "Yes! Please reserve Mollie, the most life-like orangutan toddler ever created, for me as described in this announcement." And get this: Mollie only costs $149.99, payable in 5 interest-free installments of $29.99 (the installments option is a steal since that adds up to only $149.95).

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY! And really expensive!

(Thank you Robin for sending this to me, first as a PDF, then as a JPG, so I could share its full creepiness with the world)

Manbabies.com

Photoshop used for evil, not good. I know this is supposed to be funny, but I think it's creepy. It really does put into perspective how tiny babies are compared to adults though, huh?

http://manbabies.com/popular

I think the May 16th and May 23rd ones are the creepiest, but they're all creepy.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

Rat Brain Cyborg Robot

Don't worry, you don't actually see the brain, but this is crazy/creepy. Read what it says on the screen at the :17 mark. The brain is kept in a bell jar! Brain in a jar! And they've used a few different brains and each time "the robot behaves differently".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QPiF4-iu6g

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

(Thanks, Archie, for this totally dorky creepiness! I appreciate it.)

72-year-old grandma pregnant and "in love" with her 26-year-old biological grandson

This is just so creepy on so many levels. I don't want to believe that it's real, so I'm just pretending that maybe it's a joke. But if it is a joke, it's a super creepy one. And if it is real, even creepier.

There is more to the story than meets the eye (the grandson was born to the daughter that the old lady had to give up for a closed adoption when she was young), but in the end, it's still so....ewwww....gross.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2954310/Gran-and-grandson-to-have-baby.html

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

(Thank you Pam, for supplying me with creepiness from other parts of the world)

Getting kids ready to be cubicle dwellers at an early age

"If you want to prime your toddler for a life of sitting in a cubicle, please go out and immediately purchase the Little Explorer computer workstation. Seriously, this $2,600 toy is available now"

How sad does this "toy" make you?

http://www.switched.com/2010/04/09/little-explorer-workstation-an-outrageously-expensive-toy-for-t/

And people wonder why there is a childhood obesity epidemic in this country. Look at what we market as "toys"! Sad sad sad and TOTALLY CREEPY.

P.S. I like how the Asian-looking kid (boy, nonetheless) is the one in charge. Awesome. The girls are just there to look stupid.

The Tiger Woods Commercial

Here's a link to the actual commercial (scroll down a bit):

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/07/tiger-woods-nike-ad-video_n_529405.html

Hmmmmmm...I just think it's creepy that his dead father's words have been totally taken out of context and used for this campaign. Weird.

Tiger Woods's dead dad commerical

"In what has to be one of the oddest ads in the history of television, Nike debuted Wednesday night a creepy, 30-second Tiger Woods commercial that features the fallen sports star solemnly staring at the camera while listening to a grim voiceover of his dead dad, the New York Post reported Thursday."

http://www.foxnews.com/sports/2010/04/08/mixed-reaction-nikes-creepy-tiger-ad/

I keep hearing that the most "powerful" part is when his dad is heard saying, "And did you learn anything?" Something tells me this statement has now been taken totally out of context. And I've also heard rumors that his dad was quite the philanderer, so I really don't know how I feel about this new commercial. Using his (accused cheater) dad's voice to make people feel sorry for Tiger seems really weird...and TOTALLY CREEPY.

This just has "THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY" written all over it.

Steve Lavin=CREEPY and crappy b-ball coach

Steve Lavin was the men's basketball coach at UCLA when I was there for college. He was probably the most hated man on campus (well, besides the football coach), and we all wanted him to go away. Then he did go away and ended up on TV every weekend. Booo. Now he's coming to New York to coach St. John's.

http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/college/2010/03/31/2010-03-31_citys_match_made_in_heaven_for_coach__lovely_star_wife.html

Here are the parts that really creeped me out the most, and I think it's extra creepy because he was such a sleazeball to all of the girls at UCLA:

Within just a few months of her move, she met Lavin, 45, and was immediately charmed.

"When you come from the Midwest and then you come out here, it's a whole different ballgame," Jarou said. "He just seemed so nice and so genuine."

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

Philip Seymour Hoffman's CREEPIER brother?

On my daily 1 hour ride on the 4 train to work in the morning, I usually stand for 30 minutes of the trip and get a seat for the last 30 minutes of my trip to the Bronx for work. When you ride the subway for an hour each way to and from work every day, you spend a lot of time spacing out, sleeping, and in my case, staring at everyone else on the train. Some people fascinate me, some make me laugh, and on some special days like today, they creep me out.

Today I sat across from a man that can only be described as Philip Seymour Hoffman's creepier brother. I know that is hard to imagine. Philip Seymour Hoffman (of Capote fame: http://michaelsmoviemania.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/capote.jpg), in my opinion, is one of the creepiest people in the world. He's on a whole other level of creepy, even more so than Willem Dafoe, the former champion of creepiness.

So let me paint the picture: a man in his late 40s to mid 50s, a bit overweight, with light orange thick-rimmed glasses. He's wearing khaki pants that have stains all over them from where he probably wiped his hands while eating. Plaid shirt, beige nylon jacket (like a Members Only jacket). Black velcro shoes that are bulging from keeping his feet in. He is reading one of the free newspapers they hand to you on the subway, and he keeps smacking his lips every few seconds as he reads. At one point he looked up and took his glasses off and wiped them off with his hands and then put his glasses back on and then LOOKED AT ME. It took everything in me not to gasp because it sent a shiver down my spine when we he looked at me. AHHHHHHHH! I know I shouldn't stare at people and I'm sure he is a perfectly nice person but I just couldn't stop thinking that he is one of those people you see on the news for being a child molester.

THAT'S SO SO SO SO TOTALLY CREEPY!