Sunday, June 28, 2009

Mom Jeans

When travelling, like I did all day today, you see a lot of cute families with ALL of their crap, and you wonder how they do it all...with a smile. And then you see the families where the parents look like they're going to trick the kids and put the kids on the plane...and then not get on after them. And sadly, usually the moms in the latter families are wearing "mom" jeans. "Mom" jeans are the worst jeans ever. What's creepy is that I bet most of the women who end up wearing them probably SWORE when they were my age that they'd NEVER wear them. I'm going to say it here and now: I will not wear "mom" jeans unless they are the only pants left on earth and/or someone is paying me good money to wear them.

If you don't know what "mom" jeans are, this video sums it up well:

Today, I saw a woman wearing "mom" jeans with NO POCKETS ON THE BACK. Ahhh. THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY! Why do companies make them?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Sensitive, Sweaty, and HAIRY?!

Speed Stick Pro antiperspirant/deodorant just unveiled their new campaign and the tag line is "What's your pit type?"! No joke!

And the 3 types to choose from are:

1) Sensitive
2) Sweaty
3) HAIRY

Ugh, that last one just grosses me out. I understand that it's a valid concern and they are meeting a need for men, but still. And what happens if a guy is ALL THREE?! Do they just buy all 3 and slap them all on top of each other?

Ahhh, THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY! And stinky.


Sunday, June 21, 2009

Well, I'm sure lots of people fall asleep while getting tattoos....especially FACIAL tattoos!

I am hesitant to even give this girl even more undeserved attention, but I can't help myself. This 18-year-old girl is suing a tattoo artist because she claims she "only wanted 3 stars tattooed on her face". But then she claims she FELL ASLEEP while someone was jabbing a needle INTO HER FACE, and she woke up with 56 tattoos on her face.

A few thoughts on this:
1) Only Mike Tyson should have face tattoos. That man is crazy and can totally pull it off.
2) I'm sure Mike Tyson would say that he definitely did not fall asleep during face tattoo time.
3) The tattoo artist and a witness at the tattoo parlor say that the girl was totally awake and kept checking the progress of the tattoos in the mirror and was all happy, but then went crazy when she got home and her dad and boyfriend didn't like them.
4) I'm pretty sure #3 makes waaaaaaaay more sense than her claim of falling asleep, but somehow this story was able to get so much attention as to make it to the U.S.
5) The girl looks like she does not make good decisions, so I have a feeling that no one was surprised she did this, but they know she won't make decent money any other way, so now they need to cash in on this by suing.
6) Check out the picture where she's standing at the kitchen counter, looking all sad with her face tattoos and she's wearing a rhinestone belt that says "sexy" and is wearing some clothes that just scream, "I ASKED FOR 56 STARS TO BE INKED ON MY FACE, BUT THEN MY DAD AND BOYFRIEND FREAKED OUT BECAUSE I'M SUCH AN IDIOT SO NOW I HAVE TO CLAIM I FELL ASLEEP AFTER ASKING FOR ONLY 3 STARS SO THAT I HAVE SOMETHING TO BLAME FOR LOOKING WORSE THAN I DID BEFORE, OTHER THAN MYSELF, OF COURSE".
7) I know I shouldn't pick on other girls, especially 18 y/o ones that are probably going through a lot of internal drama, but really, there are billions of 18 y/o girls making decisions and they do not include getting tattoos on their faces and then lying about it afterwards.
8) She should've at least come up with a more believable excuse than falling asleep. One suggestion: a band of ninja penguins came into the tattoo parlor and told me they would kill my family if I didn't allow them to tattoo 56 stars on my face. THAT'S waaaaay more believable than falling asleep.
9) The tattoo artist's face gives me nightmares.
10) The tattoo artist is offering to pay for half of the removal of the stars. It'd be great if he literally got them to just remove half of EACH star so she just has 56 halves.

Here's a link to the full article. CAUTION: some of the pictures are really creepy and will make your skin crawl.

The girl gets filed under "Dumb People", but the pictures of the girl and her tattoos as well as the picture of the tattoo artist definitely qualify for THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Klingon is not a real language

I had to report for jury duty yesterday. I forgot about my summons until a reminder popped up on my calendar at 12am (midnight), the day of my summons. Yikes! So I called in, figuring that I wouldn't have to report. To my surprise, and disdain, the recorded instructions were to "report to the courthouse at 8:30am". I called back twice and typed in my juror summons ID number V-E-R-Y slowly, just to make sure they were really calling me in. Yup, sure enough, I was one of "the chosen".

So I showed up at the courthouse at 8:30am and walked into a room FULL of other people that had probably also gooogled, "what happens if I skip jury duty?" and saw that the answers were often unpleasant and included "jail time" or "you'll have to stand in front of a judge and give them a good reason why you could not attend...and you'll also have to pay a fine." I had already postponed jury duty last year, so there were no outs for me. *Sigh.

BUT, I was not chosen probably because I:
a) appear to be in middle school
and
b) dressed like I am in middle school

Sweet! I was out by 10:30am.

BUT...before I was let out, I was witness to a very creepy situation. There was a very small man (I know, I shouldn't be allowed to judge, but it just added to the creepiness), about 40-45 years old, speaking to a cute, young (probably 18-20 years old), kind of punk-rock, taller blonde girl about KLINGON language and how it's a real language. And she was TOTALLY eating it up. She also told him all about her travels through Europe, etc.

He kept trying to finish her sentences but he was totally off every time. For example, she said, "yeah, I was in Europe, and it sounds really crazy now, but my friend and I took a ride from this guy..." and then the creepy older man jumped in, all excitedly, and said, "and he was a total jerk and tried to take you back to his place?" And she said, "um, no, he turned out to be really friendly and we ended up being friends with him!" This went on for a while. But I felt like everything he tried to finish her sentences with was just describing HIM.

On top of all of that, he was whispering the entire time. Everyone else in the room was speaking at a normal volume, if speaking at all.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

Sunday, June 14, 2009

I'm sorry, but did you say RAT ISLAND?

There is an island near Alaska that has apparently been populated by rats that fled a sinking ship from Japan 229 years ago. Apparently the sinking JAPANESE ship introduced the NORWAY RAT to the island. I don't get it.

I just like that it took them 1.5 weeks to do something about a problem that has been plaguing them for 229 years. And why now? Why not let it get to a nice even number like say...I don't know...230?

And my favorite line is at the end where someone basically says that they may or may not have solved the problem. What?! Do you job!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090614/od_nm/us_rat

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY. ugh.

UPDATE re: ghost slipper

My middle sister has solved the mystery! The ghost slipper belongs to her friend. My sister came up to visit from out of town a few weeks ago and was using my dad's car to visit her friends. She dropped off one of her friends and they were frantically looking for the slipper. They couldn't find it. They tore the car apart and couldn't find it.

And it remained hidden and dormant...and creepy...for weeks until it decided to pop out for ME to find.

My guess: it slid under the passenger side seat and was hidden there when my sister and her friend were looking for it. Then when I borrowed my dad's car, maybe I stopped suddenly or something and it was forced out into the open. OR, it's just the creepiest ghost slipper ever.

2 things: 1) Too bad I threw the slipper away and 2) Why wasn't she wearing both slippers on her feet, and when she lost the one in our dad's car, what did she wear for the remainder of the day?

THAT'S A TOTALLY CREEPY UPDATE!

Friday, June 12, 2009

The picture of me in my profile on this page will probably end up in an ad for Viagra or mail-order brides in Mongolia

This family from Missouri's Christmas card photo ended up in a huge window display in a supermarket...in Prague. Family photo Christmas cards are a creepy idea in general, and the lady did post the picture on the internet, but what happened is totally creepy:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090611/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_card_photo_prague

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

You know what else is totally creepy? Prague. My sister has my back on this one.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

They probably hate puppies and chubby kids too!

I was listening to NPR this morning and there was a long discussion about if the hobby of collecting butterflies is leading to butterfly extinction or not. It was the weirdest, creepiest discussion ever to take so much time on the airwaves.

A guy called in claiming to have been the guy in charge of the butterfly habitat at Marine World (now Discovery Kingdom) for 6 years, and he said that collectors are not going to make butterflies go extinct. You heard it here first. Go collect butterflies to your heart's content! You won't kill them off by collecting them in your net and...I have no clue what a butterfly collector does with them after he/she collects them. But keep on doing it!

BUT, here's the creepy part: at some point, the guest on NPR (I didn't catch his name, and I regret that a little bit) non-chalantly said "and as mentioned on ihatebutterflies.com"...I didn't hear what he said after that because I couldn't stop laughing. He was totally serious and just dropped the website address like it's totally normal to mention "ihatebutterflies.com".


THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

My big swan song

Where did that phrase "swan song" even come from? Swan Lake? That's pretty depressing.

Anyway, last night was my big swan song for the afterschool program that I have been working with for the past 2 years. Last night was my last parent info session. Bittersweet.

The new site coordinator (a really lame title for the director of the program) will do an amazing job and he was able to introduce himself to the families that he will be working with at the school. But a part of me was so sad that I will not be there next year to see the kids and their families. Don't get me wrong, I don't want my job back, I just want to keep that one part (hanging out with the kids and their parents and extended families).

I'm sad to be leaving, but I have been pretty ready to move on and try something new for a while now. I have no clue what I'll be doing next, but I hope that the people I will work with next will be as fun and tolerant of my personality as my current co-workers and that the kids/families I will work with next will be as fun and tolerant as well.

Oh, but one parent did come up to me last night to speak to me (in rapid Cantonese) about how sad she was that I was leaving and how sad she was that her child will not see me every day. I have never seen her in my life. I have no clue who she is or who her child is. She hugged me too. THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY.

But overall, I can file this one under "not creepy".

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Some people really don't age...at least with the help of lots of makeup!

Zack Morris (a.k.a. Mark Paul Gosselaar, but he played himself playing Zack Morris. Amazing.) was on Jimmy Fallon last night! He looks exactly the same as he did in the 80s from afar, but you can tell they used TONS of makeup to make it that way when they have close-ups. All in all, this really made my day.


THIS IS TOTALLY CREEPY...and awesome...on so many levels!

Update June 2011: The video won't play anymore. But take it from me, it was AWESOME.

Update September 2013: The video has been found again!!
http://www.hulu.com/watch/76560

Screenshot credits to hulu






Monday, June 8, 2009

Who do you belong to?

The other day, I dropped by friend off at his car, and as he got out of my car, I noticed a single black slipper (a.k.a. "flip flop" to mainlanders...hahaha) sitting on the floor of the passenger side of my car. I looked at it and it was clearly a woman's slipper, so I knew it did not belong to him. My friend just looked at me like I was crazy and got out of the car. I just figured it belonged to one of my co-workers that had been in the car the previous day and/or night.

The next day, I picked up the slipper with my keys and realized that there is really NO part of a slipper/flip-flop that you can touch that is not totally gross. Any part you touch is rubbing up against the person's foot (top or bottom), or between their toes, or is touching the ground constantly. It was a very gross realization.

So I carried the slipper to my office on the end of my car key and walked in, expecting someone to immediately recognize and identify it. No luck. I walked around my whole office with it, asking everyone if it was their slipper.

It doesn't belong to anyone in my office and I can't think of anyone else that would've left a woman's slipper in my car and/or had been in my car that recent to its discovery (did that sentence make any sense?). None of my other friends have contacted me about a misplaced slipper either. It is now officially a ghost slipper.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY...and spooky

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Your organs go WHERE?!

Anyone who knows me even a little bit, knows that one of my part-time jobs is that of a wedding guest. I have been to 23 weddings in 3 years, and I have a few more lined up before the end of this calendar year. Anyway, going to so many weddings has led, naturally, to also going to a lot of baby showers and "meet the baby" events.

I'm all about being mature and nodding my head calmly when people talk about painful this, and painful that, and how many centimeters this and how many centimeters that. I took sex ed in school and I've seen "The Miracle of Life". The whole situation really freaks me out, but is also truthfully pretty fascinating...mostly because it's not happening to MY body.

BUT the thing I have learned most recently that TOTALLY blows my mind is finding out that your organs MOVE during pregnancy. What in the world? Organs can't just move, can they? Well, apparently they can, and do. Your organs move up and/or back in your body to accommodate the growing fetus. I'm totally disturbed by this. And they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go (don't worry, it's a cartoon drawing):


I'm sorry, but is it just me or is the small intestine almost COMPLETELY GONE in the 3rd picture? I feel like I really need that to be able to eat the amounts of food that I need to eat to be happy. This whole baby thing is indeed a miracle, but it's mostly a miracle that women have babies after finding out what happens to them during pregnancy...and afterwards.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Rabbit feet are for wusses...try an EAGLE CLAW for REAL luck!

Last weekend I went to the Good Guys Car Show in Pleasanton. It was amazing. It was a dream come true. There were literally acres and acres of classic cars and hot rods! Anyway, this truck was nothing special and we almost walked right by without taking a picture of it...

but then we noticed what was hanging from the rearview mirror...

and it became our favorite truck of the day. It was one of my favorite moments of the day. Yes, my friends, that is an EAGLE CLAW. Forget having a rabbit's foot, you mean business when you have an eagle claw!!

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

Friday, June 5, 2009

gchat wants us back together

Do you use the IM function in gmail (a.k.a. "gchat")? I haven't quite figured out how to control it, at least in terms of who shows up and who doesn't show up on my chat list. The other day, I was on really early in the morning, so I could see everyone's name that was online because there were so few, and my ex-boyfriend's name popped up all of a sudden on my IM list.

A few thoughts about this:
1) Why is my first reaction to his name popping up to PHYSICALLY duck out of the way, like he's going to see me through my computer?
2) I didn't know he had gmail
3) I can't recall emailing him at a gmail account or vice versa
4) I swear I've deleted him multiple times from my contact list (his yahoo and work email addresses; again, I don't recall him even having a gmail account)

I sent him an IM that just said, "How did you show up on my chat list? THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!" To which he responsed with some attempt at being cheeky. To which I responded, "Okay, I'm going to delete you now. So you will disappear from my list and I'll disappear from yours." To which he responded, "Yeah yeah. HA HA. Sure. How are you?" To which I responded...by deleting his contact info, and therefore his name on my IM list. Niiice.

gchat apparently wants us to get back together. I don't agree with it. But I'm sure it's just a matter of time before he shows up again because that has happened to me before. gchat is like a really annoying friend that is convinced you belong with the wrong guy.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

Oh, and BRyan*, if you're reading this (which would be SO incredibly creepy in and of itself), hello! HA HA. (*Of course, all names have been changed to protect the identity of the person described, and any similarities to the names of actual people I know is purely coincidental).

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Your cute...My cute what?

I used to get really creepy messages from really random, creepy guys on MySpace (when I still had a page up. I deleted it for many reasons, including the following). They'd say things like, "your cute, wanna _______?" And the blank was not filled in with fun, non-creepy, suggestions. You get the idea.

Anyway, here's my thing: if you're going to hit on someone, don't do it on MySpace, and don't use such bad grammar (which includes using the word "wanna" for "want to"). I am not the queen of grammar by any means, but this one irks me. The bottom line is:

Your=possessive
You're=contraction of you+are

Saying "your cute" makes no sense. Unless you're commenting about something and you add other words. For example: "[I like] your cute [shoes]".

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY and annoying.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

This can't be real

http://www.bestofyoutube.com/story.php?title=pygmy-jerboa

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

And a big thank you to my creepiest friend for sending me this link!

The whole idea of blogs is totally creepy

On Saturday, as we were walking to get donuts (donuts=totally NOT creepy), we passed by a pair of brown shoes just chilling in the driveway of my neighbor's cute little house. The shoes looked fairly new; brown canvas, kind of trendy-looking men's shoes. A bit like campers, but canvas instead of leather. Anyway, they were in the driveway a few houses down when we left to get donuts.

By the time we came back (less than 20 minutes later) to my apartment, the shoes were sitting on the front porch area of my apartment building. And they're still sitting there. 4 days later.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY.