Someone needs to fire their proofreader

This is an ad on the NYC Subway for DELTA AIRLINES. It's not like it's for some tiny coffee shop that doesn't have a huge marketing budget. Even then, they'd probably AT LEAST read the ad out loud once, or have some 5-year-old read it out loud once, and hear that it's totally wrong.

The ad says (no joke): "A TICKET ENTITLES YOU TO MORE THAT JUST A SEAT"

Really? Am I entitled to more THAT just a seat? How about more THAN just a seat? I'd really like to feel entitled to some correct grammar as well. AHHHH! Stuff like this drives me nuts.

I don't have twitter, but if you do, tweet this to @deltanewsroom, @deltaairlines, @delta, @deltaassist, and use #deltafail. There's no email address to contact Delta Corporate. But they have all of these twitter accounts. Someone needs to get fired.

The Camel Was Stolen!

I can't believe I forgot to write an update about the camel incident. It turns out that the guy was trying to shove the camel into the trash can because he stole it from the little store/kiosk at the bottom of the stairs outside of the subway station.

I walked past the store a few days later and saw the camel being displayed outside. It all became clear after I saw it for sale. But it made me sad that the story I had created in my mind about the saddle being full of drugs (or sour patch kids) was most likely completely false. Boo.

Wooden Camel Drama on 4 Train Platform in the Bronx

I have the weirdest experiences riding the 4 train from the Bronx to Brooklyn after work every night. Tonight was a real treat.

As I was walking through the turnstile, I noticed a man carrying a wooden carved camel statue. It was about 18 inches long and 12 inches tall. Not a tiny wooden camel. I laughed a little just because it was SO RANDOM! The guy didn't have a bag or anything, JUST the camel.

After I walked up the stairs to the platform, the guy with the wooden camel ran up the stairs behind me and then ran over to the trash can. And then tried to STUFF THE WOODEN CAMEL into the trash can. Mind you, the trash cans on the platforms have a round opening that's only about 8 inches in diameter. Needless to say, the wooden camel did not fit. But dammit, that guy tried. He tried as hard as he could to shove that camel in the trash. To no avail. All the while, he is looking over his shoulder at the stairway with this wide-eyed, terrified look on his face. I moved away quickly because it just didn't seem like a good situation. In the end, the guy left the camel next to the trash can. It was really obvious and anyone walking by could totally see the camel.

Anyway...the guy that the camel guy was scared of came up the stairs a minute or so later and started looking around; I'm assuming...for the camel. He walked up to the camel guy and they exchanged a few words. Not loudly. Just between each other. The camel guy kept staring nervously at the trash can, waiting for the 2nd guy to figure out that the camel was stashed next to the trash can.

All the while, everyone on the platform is staring and just trying to figure out what the hell is going on, and trying to stay out of their way in case something bad went down. The train came and I got on, but watched the 2 guys through the open subway car doors. As the doors were closing, I saw the 2nd guy reach down and pick up the camel next to the trash can. And he held it up in the air and then...I don't know! The train pulled away and I will never know what happened. My best guess is that there was something in the camel's saddle that the 2nd guy wanted. Drugs? Sour Patch Kids?

The camel looked like this one but had a pouch on the saddle part:

It was really strange and maybe not TOTALLY CREEPY, but kind of creepy.

Monkey Baby

Do you ever read Parade on Sundays? There are always ads in the back for creepy collectible plates, "life-like" dolls, etc. This one is really special:

I'm pretty sure the only reason this things exists is because there is a show on TLC called "My Monkey Baby" that documents the lives of people that adopt and raise monkeys as their children: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/monkey-babies-couples-treat-adopted-monkids-children/story?id=8723105

The order form has a check box where you check to say "Yes! Please reserve Mollie, the most life-like orangutan toddler ever created, for me as described in this announcement." And get this: Mollie only costs $149.99, payable in 5 interest-free installments of $29.99 (the installments option is a steal since that adds up to only $149.95).

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY! And really expensive!

(Thank you Robin for sending this to me, first as a PDF, then as a JPG, so I could share its full creepiness with the world)

Manbabies.com

Photoshop used for evil, not good. I know this is supposed to be funny, but I think it's creepy. It really does put into perspective how tiny babies are compared to adults though, huh?

http://manbabies.com/popular

I think the May 16th and May 23rd ones are the creepiest, but they're all creepy.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

Rat Brain Cyborg Robot

Don't worry, you don't actually see the brain, but this is crazy/creepy. Read what it says on the screen at the :17 mark. The brain is kept in a bell jar! Brain in a jar! And they've used a few different brains and each time "the robot behaves differently".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QPiF4-iu6g

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

(Thanks, Archie, for this totally dorky creepiness! I appreciate it.)

72-year-old grandma pregnant and "in love" with her 26-year-old biological grandson

This is just so creepy on so many levels. I don't want to believe that it's real, so I'm just pretending that maybe it's a joke. But if it is a joke, it's a super creepy one. And if it is real, even creepier.

There is more to the story than meets the eye (the grandson was born to the daughter that the old lady had to give up for a closed adoption when she was young), but in the end, it's still so....ewwww....gross.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2954310/Gran-and-grandson-to-have-baby.html

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

(Thank you Pam, for supplying me with creepiness from other parts of the world)

Getting kids ready to be cubicle dwellers at an early age

"If you want to prime your toddler for a life of sitting in a cubicle, please go out and immediately purchase the Little Explorer computer workstation. Seriously, this $2,600 toy is available now"

How sad does this "toy" make you?

http://www.switched.com/2010/04/09/little-explorer-workstation-an-outrageously-expensive-toy-for-t/

And people wonder why there is a childhood obesity epidemic in this country. Look at what we market as "toys"! Sad sad sad and TOTALLY CREEPY.

P.S. I like how the Asian-looking kid (boy, nonetheless) is the one in charge. Awesome. The girls are just there to look stupid.

The Tiger Woods Commercial

Here's a link to the actual commercial (scroll down a bit):

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/07/tiger-woods-nike-ad-video_n_529405.html

Hmmmmmm...I just think it's creepy that his dead father's words have been totally taken out of context and used for this campaign. Weird.

Tiger Woods's dead dad commerical

"In what has to be one of the oddest ads in the history of television, Nike debuted Wednesday night a creepy, 30-second Tiger Woods commercial that features the fallen sports star solemnly staring at the camera while listening to a grim voiceover of his dead dad, the New York Post reported Thursday."

http://www.foxnews.com/sports/2010/04/08/mixed-reaction-nikes-creepy-tiger-ad/

I keep hearing that the most "powerful" part is when his dad is heard saying, "And did you learn anything?" Something tells me this statement has now been taken totally out of context. And I've also heard rumors that his dad was quite the philanderer, so I really don't know how I feel about this new commercial. Using his (accused cheater) dad's voice to make people feel sorry for Tiger seems really weird...and TOTALLY CREEPY.

This just has "THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY" written all over it.

Steve Lavin=CREEPY and crappy b-ball coach

Steve Lavin was the men's basketball coach at UCLA when I was there for college. He was probably the most hated man on campus (well, besides the football coach), and we all wanted him to go away. Then he did go away and ended up on TV every weekend. Booo. Now he's coming to New York to coach St. John's.

http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/college/2010/03/31/2010-03-31_citys_match_made_in_heaven_for_coach__lovely_star_wife.html

Here are the parts that really creeped me out the most, and I think it's extra creepy because he was such a sleazeball to all of the girls at UCLA:

Within just a few months of her move, she met Lavin, 45, and was immediately charmed.

"When you come from the Midwest and then you come out here, it's a whole different ballgame," Jarou said. "He just seemed so nice and so genuine."

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

Philip Seymour Hoffman's CREEPIER brother?

On my daily 1 hour ride on the 4 train to work in the morning, I usually stand for 30 minutes of the trip and get a seat for the last 30 minutes of my trip to the Bronx for work. When you ride the subway for an hour each way to and from work every day, you spend a lot of time spacing out, sleeping, and in my case, staring at everyone else on the train. Some people fascinate me, some make me laugh, and on some special days like today, they creep me out.

Today I sat across from a man that can only be described as Philip Seymour Hoffman's creepier brother. I know that is hard to imagine. Philip Seymour Hoffman (of Capote fame: http://michaelsmoviemania.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/capote.jpg), in my opinion, is one of the creepiest people in the world. He's on a whole other level of creepy, even more so than Willem Dafoe, the former champion of creepiness.

So let me paint the picture: a man in his late 40s to mid 50s, a bit overweight, with light orange thick-rimmed glasses. He's wearing khaki pants that have stains all over them from where he probably wiped his hands while eating. Plaid shirt, beige nylon jacket (like a Members Only jacket). Black velcro shoes that are bulging from keeping his feet in. He is reading one of the free newspapers they hand to you on the subway, and he keeps smacking his lips every few seconds as he reads. At one point he looked up and took his glasses off and wiped them off with his hands and then put his glasses back on and then LOOKED AT ME. It took everything in me not to gasp because it sent a shiver down my spine when we he looked at me. AHHHHHHHH! I know I shouldn't stare at people and I'm sure he is a perfectly nice person but I just couldn't stop thinking that he is one of those people you see on the news for being a child molester.

THAT'S SO SO SO SO TOTALLY CREEPY!

It cries "real tears"!!!

My sister, Karen, sent this to me yesterday. It's like a glo-bug on crack. If I were a kid, I would go running out of the room if I saw that thing in my bed.

http://www.coolest-gadgets.com/20091218/yotaro-baby-simulator-real-tears/

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

Snow, Snow, Snow!

Snow!!!!! Only creepy thing about this is the yellow snow I saw outside.

Ew, Ew, Ew, EWWWWWWWWWWWW....

I just don't even know what to do with this information. Can you imagine walking into someone's house and seeing this sitting there? What if you didn't know what it was and you TOUCHED IT?! AHHHHH!

http://www.inhabitots.com/2009/10/01/doing-it-for-the-kids-design-exhibition-placenta-teddy-bear/

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY AND BARFTASTIC!

(Thanks, Amy, for continuing to find the creepiest stuff on earth and sending links to me!)

Oh, California...

California is so awesome. They're staging the largest earthquake drill in the world today at 10:15am CA time. Only in California....

http://www.shakeout.org/drill/

Too bad there's no drill for giant wildfires and subsequent giant mudslides that are the result of the giant wildfires burning entire hillsides bare. *Sigh. California, please don't fall off into the ocean and float away before I make it back to visit...

They should re-name one of the subway lines H1N1

I read an article this morning about how ineffective handwashing is against H1N1 (swine flu). Awesome. Here's a section where the author is talking to an epidemiologist from CAL, Arthur Reingold:

"I gave Reingold two scenarios. The first: I'm sitting in a movie theater next to -- but not touching -- someone with H1N1, and he sneezes and doesn't cover his mouth. The second: Someone with H1N1 rubs his nose, shakes my hand, and then I rub my nose. In which situation am I more likely to catch the flu?

That's easy, said Reingold, an infectious disease specialist who advises on vaccine policy for the World Health Organization. The theater incident is much more likely -- much, much more likely, he said -- to give me the flu, since inhaling particles results in a bigger dose of the virus."

Both scenarios make my skin crawl, but I really thought the nose rubbing and hand shaking one would be worse. Nope. I was wrong. Then, armed with this wonderful tidbit of information, I proceeded to get onto 2 different subway trains, FULL of people. Ugh. Gross. I was just WAITING, WAITING for someone to cough or sneeze without covering his/her mouth. AHHHHH!

*Sigh. This winter is going to be TOTALLY creepy and gross for me every time I ride the train. HA HA HA. OCD is really helpful in cities like New York.

He Gives Her a DEADLINE!

This is some seriously creepy stuff, but so freaking hilarious at the same time. This girl hands a guy her business card (mistake #1) to get him to leave her alone and then he leaves 2 really creepy voicemail messages on her cell phone. She calls into a radio station and they get played on the air.

You HAVE to listen to this. Especially the 2nd one.

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

Wow. SO SO SO SO TOTALLY CREEPY!

(Thanks to Sarah for this one!)

How badly do you want to live?

Check out where he says, "Tastes a Bit Sharp!" at the 1:13 marker....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7i5AHGlKeoM&feature=related

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY...but good to know?!

Thank you to my sister, Karen, for sending this along and for pointing out the comment at 1:13.

Is this real?

It looks like a real commercial at the end, but I haven't seen it on t.v. and I just can't wrap my brain around this being real:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PHnRIn74Ag&feature=related

Whether it's real or not, THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

(Thanks, Pam!)

Grosssssss

Here's a picture from my sister's trip to a cabin with her friends. There's no way to really tell what is wrapped up in all of that spiderwebby goodness, but you know it's a lot of nastiness and creepiness! Ewww. Gross. Ahhhh!

AHHHHH! THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

No internet access at home and traveling until today has made it difficult to update this. But do not fret, there will be new creepy stuff posted soon!

There are no words to really describe this

So you just have to read it on your own. It makes me shudder just thinking about it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/26/magazine/26FOB-2DLove-t.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=otaku&st=cse

(Shoutout to Amy and Carolyn for keeping up with the NY Times and for sending me/telling me about creepy articles that come out!)

Exotic or Fungus?

I was sitting across from an Asian girl the other night on the subway and she had purple contacts on. WHY, oh WHY, do (Asian, especially) girls do this? I'm pretty sure they think it makes them look "exotic" or something, but to me, it's just TOTALLY CREEPY. Purple eyes do not naturally occur in this world, and even if they did, I can GUARANTEE you, they would not naturally occur in Asian people.

It makes me sad when people want to change themselves so badly (*cue violin music to play in the background of this rant about Asian girls in America having identity crises*) that they will do something like wear purple contacts. I wonder what would cause REAL purple eyes?! A fungus, maybe? Ewwww. So, basically that girl paid money to make it look like she has a raging case of eye fungus. Yuck.

UPDATE: Obama in Mom Jeans! HA!

Guess how hard I laughed when I saw this article, Obama on Mom Jeans: "They're Comfortable":

http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/92832

I don't think his jeans are really that bad. At least he didn't throw out the first pitch in a suit.

Hello, my name is Anxiety Fong. Nice to meet you!

Here's a picture of my sisters and I riding an elephant at Marine World, Africa, U.S.A. (now Discovery Kingdom. Lame.), circa 1985 or so...

Check out the one in the middle. Can we say ANXIOUS?! My arms are actually LOOPED under my oldest sister's arms so that I can clutch onto the metal bar part for dear life, versus holding onto the chain part. Look at how happy Carolyn (in front) and Karen (in back) are! Especially Karen. That girl, with her strawberry t-shirt and matching blue pants, does not have a care in the world. And Carolyn is rocking some super ahead-of-their-times white wrap pants, so she doesn't care that we could FALL OFF OF THE ELEPHANT AT ANY TIME! I was probably saying something like, "What are the safety features of this metal cage/chain apparatus? What is the safety record of this elephant?"...in Chinese. I was such a worried child. I definitely still go back to that at times (have you ever flown on a plane with me? I pretty much make that same face the whole time), but I'm glad that I've let a lot of it go. I can't stop laughing at how close I am sitting to Carolyn, and how much fun Karen is having. Classic Fong Family memory.

(Special shoutout to my cousin Tien for the picture)

Creepy or Genius? Part 2

My sister, Carolyn, says this is creepy. I think it's part genius, part creepy, but 100% innovative use of space and materials available:

http://video.nytimes.com/video/2009/07/19/arts/1247463519939/urbaneye-dumpster-pool-party.html#

She did point out something that is creepy though: there are only white and Asian people there. THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY when you're in a city like New York.

Then...Now...Creepy? Or Just Sad?

My sister, Karen, sent this to me from her trip to The Grand Canyon and Bryce Canyon and other canyons in the Southwestern United States. We can't decide if it's creepy or just sad. These are pictures from a Visitor's Center describing how communication worked "Then" and "Now":

Then:

Now:

Basically, what visitors can take away from this display is that back in the day, Native Americans used to have to run messages back and forth. Today, they just get overweight and sit at an Apple IIe computer.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY?! Or just sad....

Why Are Dolls So Creepy?

I don't think I need to explain why this one made it:

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

(Thanks again to my top contributor, Amy H. Lee)

Creepy or Genius?

Doritos has a new flavor out called "Tacos at Midnight". I just don't know how I feel about it. I'm totally freaked out, but also totally intrigued. Mostly because I now know that somebody gets paid to name Doritos flavors and is allowed to name them things like "Tacos at Midnight". Amazing.

http://www.fritolay.com/our-snacks/2011.html

My favorite part: the name on the bag is written in faux neon lights. AWESOME!

UPDATE: Face tattoo girl LIED!

Nobody saw this one coming, huh?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1194910/Teenager-Kimberley-Vlaminck-56-stars-tattoed-face-finally-comes-clean.html

Scene From Last Night

Last night, Carolyn, Matt, Carolyn's friend Dan, and I, were all going to get a few drinks at the Brooklyn Inn after dinner. Apparently this place was in Gossip Girl. Carolyn and Matt can explain in frightening detail which episode it was in and how it was used in the episode, if you care to know. Anyway, it was on our way there that I witnessed one of the most bizarre interactions between 2 people:

Homeless man (to Carolyn and I): Hey ladies, *mumble...money...*mumble *mumble

Us: Sorry, have a good night.

Homeless man: *mumble *mumble

**This is where it gets weird. Up until this point, Dan had been a very mild-mannered guy; telling funny stories and jokes at dinner and being very smiley. There was no warning that he would act this way.**

Dan: Hey, is your name James? (I thought they were going to do a special handshake, hug, or something, the tone of his voice was so friendly)

Homeless man: Yeah, I'm James. *mumble *mumble (I'm pretty sure I caught a semi-toothless smile in there too. I think he was thinking he'd get some money from his "friend" that recognized him)

Dan: You tried to stab me 10 years ago. Fuck off! (He starts walking away and the rest of us follow, totally dumbfounded and caught off-guard by what we just witnessed)

Homeless man: *mumble...didn't...stab...*mumble (shuffles off into the night)

WHAT?! What just happened? THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY...and bizarre!

And then the 4 of us proceeded to cross the street and go into the bar and have drinks and a nice night. Apparently, James tried to chase Dan down and stab him 10 years ago, right near the bar we were at, and well, I guess you never forget a face when it's chasing you...trying to stab you.

It was definitely one of those "you had to be there" moments, but the way that Dan was able to switch gears from mild-mannered guy to "fuck off!" guy was truly spectacular.

Creepiness Courtesy of Amy H. Lee! Warning: NOT SAFE TO OPEN AT WORK!

I've had these little creepy gems in my inbox for the past few weeks, but I keep forgetting to post them. They are courtesy of the one and only Amy H. Lee:

http://jezebel.com/5299666/natural-rest-for-breasts-looks-like-sex-toy

http://jezebel.com/5300095/70s-european-childrens-book-depicts-penetration-crowning/gallery/

I have no clue where she is getting this stuff, but it's all definitely creepy and weird. I thought the first one was a really bad SNL skit, but unfortunately, it's real. And the 2nd one, well, yeah. I don't know what to say. It's good to talk to your kids about the birds and the bees, etc., but that little comic is scary. I'm just glad the couple decides to put on clothes before they go to the hospital. Because the rest of the time they seem to spend in the buff.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

Say CHEESE...I mean, say creeeeepy!

My sister Carolyn, her boyfriend Matt, and I, all went to The Met (The Metropolitan Museum of Art, for those of you not hip on the NYC lingo....hahahaha) on Tuesday to see the sculpture on the roof created by Roxy Paine. Yes, that's his "real" name. Anyway, he creates/welds these huge metal sculptures that look like trees and he made a HUGE one on the roof of The Met. It's incredible. And it's even more incredible for someone like me, that loves welding.

And it's so amazing that I am able to see the sculpture while I'm here in New York. I had noticed a metal tree sculpture in the background of my friends' pictures of their recent visit to Seattle and I googled, "metal tree sculpture, Seattle" and found the artist's name. Then I googled, "Roxy Paine metal trees" and found out about his exhibit at The Met the day after I booked my tickets to come this summer. It was fate. :)

Nothing creepy about the sculpture. It was beautiful. You can see my pictures of the sculpture here: http://picasaweb.google.com/gfong8/RoxyPaineMetalTreesAtTheMet63009#

But check out this picture of Carolyn and I outside of the museum. Ignore the fact that Carolyn is wrapped in a scarf. Look at who is watching us!

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

I'm filing this one under "creepy randomness" and "not creepy" because:

Roxy Paine Metal Trees=not creepy

Doll strapped to back of man's backpack (though he was with his family and daughter, whom the doll probably belongs to, though we're not 100% sure), staring at us while our picture is taken=creepy randomness

**And a special shoutout to Matt, Carolyn's boyfriend, for indulging my need to take pictures of creepy things/people. After I pointed out the doll strapped to the man's back, Matt immediately started posing for fake pictures on the steps so that we could get a picture of the doll, which paved the way to this magical picture, which Matt actually took. Bravo Matthew, bravo!**

Mom Jeans

When travelling, like I did all day today, you see a lot of cute families with ALL of their crap, and you wonder how they do it all...with a smile. And then you see the families where the parents look like they're going to trick the kids and put the kids on the plane...and then not get on after them. And sadly, usually the moms in the latter families are wearing "mom" jeans. "Mom" jeans are the worst jeans ever. What's creepy is that I bet most of the women who end up wearing them probably SWORE when they were my age that they'd NEVER wear them. I'm going to say it here and now: I will not wear "mom" jeans unless they are the only pants left on earth and/or someone is paying me good money to wear them.

If you don't know what "mom" jeans are, this video sums it up well:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/10333/saturday-night-live-mom-jeans

Today, I saw a woman wearing "mom" jeans with NO POCKETS ON THE BACK. Ahhh. THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY! Why do companies make them?

Sensitive, Sweaty, and HAIRY?!

Speed Stick Pro antiperspirant/deodorant just unveiled their new campaign and the tag line is "What's your pit type?"! No joke!

And the 3 types to choose from are:

1) Sensitive

2) Sweaty

3) HAIRY

Ugh, that last one just grosses me out. I understand that it's a valid concern and they are meeting a need for men, but still. And what happens if a guy is ALL THREE?! Do they just buy all 3 and slap them all on top of each other?

Ahhh, THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY! And stinky.

Well, I'm sure lots of people fall asleep while getting tattoos....especially FACIAL tattoos!

I am hesitant to even give this girl even more undeserved attention, but I can't help myself. This 18-year-old girl is suing a tattoo artist because she claims she "only wanted 3 stars tattooed on her face". But then she claims she FELL ASLEEP while someone was jabbing a needle INTO HER FACE, and she woke up with 56 tattoos on her face.

A few thoughts on this:

1) Only Mike Tyson should have face tattoos. That man is crazy and can totally pull it off.

2) I'm sure Mike Tyson would say that he definitely did not fall asleep during face tattoo time.

3) The tattoo artist and a witness at the tattoo parlor say that the girl was totally awake and kept checking the progress of the tattoos in the mirror and was all happy, but then went crazy when she got home and her dad and boyfriend didn't like them.

4) I'm pretty sure #3 makes waaaaaaaay more sense than her claim of falling asleep, but somehow this story was able to get so much attention as to make it to the U.S.

5) The girl looks like she does not make good decisions, so I have a feeling that no one was surprised she did this, but they know she won't make decent money any other way, so now they need to cash in on this by suing.

6) Check out the picture where she's standing at the kitchen counter, looking all sad with her face tattoos and she's wearing a rhinestone belt that says "sexy" and is wearing some clothes that just scream, "I ASKED FOR 56 STARS TO BE INKED ON MY FACE, BUT THEN MY DAD AND BOYFRIEND FREAKED OUT BECAUSE I'M SUCH AN IDIOT SO NOW I HAVE TO CLAIM I FELL ASLEEP AFTER ASKING FOR ONLY 3 STARS SO THAT I HAVE SOMETHING TO BLAME FOR LOOKING WORSE THAN I DID BEFORE, OTHER THAN MYSELF, OF COURSE".

7) I know I shouldn't pick on other girls, especially 18 y/o ones that are probably going through a lot of internal drama, but really, there are billions of 18 y/o girls making decisions and they do not include getting tattoos on their faces and then lying about it afterwards.

8) She should've at least come up with a more believable excuse than falling asleep. One suggestion: a band of ninja penguins came into the tattoo parlor and told me they would kill my family if I didn't allow them to tattoo 56 stars on my face. THAT'S waaaaay more believable than falling asleep.

9) The tattoo artist's face gives me nightmares.

10) The tattoo artist is offering to pay for half of the removal of the stars. It'd be great if he literally got them to just remove half of EACH star so she just has 56 halves.

Here's a link to the full article. CAUTION: some of the pictures are really creepy and will make your skin crawl.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1193384/What-did-expect-Incredible-face-revealed-man-tattooed-girl-56-stars-asked-three.html

The girl gets filed under "Dumb People", but the pictures of the girl and her tattoos as well as the picture of the tattoo artist definitely qualify for THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

Klingon is not a real language

I had to report for jury duty yesterday. I forgot about my summons until a reminder popped up on my calendar at 12am (midnight), the day of my summons. Yikes! So I called in, figuring that I wouldn't have to report. To my surprise, and disdain, the recorded instructions were to "report to the courthouse at 8:30am". I called back twice and typed in my juror summons ID number V-E-R-Y slowly, just to make sure they were really calling me in. Yup, sure enough, I was one of "the chosen".

So I showed up at the courthouse at 8:30am and walked into a room FULL of other people that had probably also gooogled, "what happens if I skip jury duty?" and saw that the answers were often unpleasant and included "jail time" or "you'll have to stand in front of a judge and give them a good reason why you could not attend...and you'll also have to pay a fine." I had already postponed jury duty last year, so there were no outs for me. *Sigh.

BUT, I was not chosen probably because I:

a) appear to be in middle school

and

b) dressed like I am in middle school

Sweet! I was out by 10:30am.

BUT...before I was let out, I was witness to a very creepy situation. There was a very small man (I know, I shouldn't be allowed to judge, but it just added to the creepiness), about 40-45 years old, speaking to a cute, young (probably 18-20 years old), kind of punk-rock, taller blonde girl about KLINGON language and how it's a real language. And she was TOTALLY eating it up. She also told him all about her travels through Europe, etc.

He kept trying to finish her sentences but he was totally off every time. For example, she said, "yeah, I was in Europe, and it sounds really crazy now, but my friend and I took a ride from this guy..." and then the creepy older man jumped in, all excitedly, and said, "and he was a total jerk and tried to take you back to his place?" And she said, "um, no, he turned out to be really friendly and we ended up being friends with him!" This went on for a while. But I felt like everything he tried to finish her sentences with was just describing HIM.

On top of all of that, he was whispering the entire time. Everyone else in the room was speaking at a normal volume, if speaking at all.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

I'm sorry, but did you say RAT ISLAND?

There is an island near Alaska that has apparently been populated by rats that fled a sinking ship from Japan 229 years ago. Apparently the sinking JAPANESE ship introduced the NORWAY RAT to the island. I don't get it.

I just like that it took them 1.5 weeks to do something about a problem that has been plaguing them for 229 years. And why now? Why not let it get to a nice even number like say...I don't know...230?

And my favorite line is at the end where someone basically says that they may or may not have solved the problem. What?! Do you job!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090614/od_nm/us_rat

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY. ugh.

UPDATE re: ghost slipper

My middle sister has solved the mystery! The ghost slipper belongs to her friend. My sister came up to visit from out of town a few weeks ago and was using my dad's car to visit her friends. She dropped off one of her friends and they were frantically looking for the slipper. They couldn't find it. They tore the car apart and couldn't find it.

And it remained hidden and dormant...and creepy...for weeks until it decided to pop out for ME to find.

My guess: it slid under the passenger side seat and was hidden there when my sister and her friend were looking for it. Then when I borrowed my dad's car, maybe I stopped suddenly or something and it was forced out into the open. OR, it's just the creepiest ghost slipper ever.

2 things: 1) Too bad I threw the slipper away and 2) Why wasn't she wearing both slippers on her feet, and when she lost the one in our dad's car, what did she wear for the remainder of the day?

THAT'S A TOTALLY CREEPY UPDATE!

The picture of me in my profile on this page will probably end up in an ad for Viagra or mail-order brides in Mongolia

This family from Missouri's Christmas card photo ended up in a huge window display in a supermarket...in Prague. Family photo Christmas cards are a creepy idea in general, and the lady did post the picture on the internet, but what happened is totally creepy:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090611/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_card_photo_prague

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

You know what else is totally creepy? Prague. My sister has my back on this one.

They probably hate puppies and chubby kids too!

I was listening to NPR this morning and there was a long discussion about if the hobby of collecting butterflies is leading to butterfly extinction or not. It was the weirdest, creepiest discussion ever to take so much time on the airwaves.

A guy called in claiming to have been the guy in charge of the butterfly habitat at Marine World (now Discovery Kingdom) for 6 years, and he said that collectors are not going to make butterflies go extinct. You heard it here first. Go collect butterflies to your heart's content! You won't kill them off by collecting them in your net and...I have no clue what a butterfly collector does with them after he/she collects them. But keep on doing it!

BUT, here's the creepy part: at some point, the guest on NPR (I didn't catch his name, and I regret that a little bit) non-chalantly said "and as mentioned on ihatebutterflies.com"...I didn't hear what he said after that because I couldn't stop laughing. He was totally serious and just dropped the website address like it's totally normal to mention "ihatebutterflies.com".

http://ihatebutterflies.com/

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

My big swan song

Where did that phrase "swan song" even come from? Swan Lake? That's pretty depressing.

Anyway, last night was my big swan song for the afterschool program that I have been working with for the past 2 years. Last night was my last parent info session. Bittersweet.

The new site coordinator (a really lame title for the director of the program) will do an amazing job and he was able to introduce himself to the families that he will be working with at the school. But a part of me was so sad that I will not be there next year to see the kids and their families. Don't get me wrong, I don't want my job back, I just want to keep that one part (hanging out with the kids and their parents and extended families).

I'm sad to be leaving, but I have been pretty ready to move on and try something new for a while now. I have no clue what I'll be doing next, but I hope that the people I will work with next will be as fun and tolerant of my personality as my current co-workers and that the kids/families I will work with next will be as fun and tolerant as well.

Oh, but one parent did come up to me last night to speak to me (in rapid Cantonese) about how sad she was that I was leaving and how sad she was that her child will not see me every day. I have never seen her in my life. I have no clue who she is or who her child is. She hugged me too. THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY.

But overall, I can file this one under "not creepy".

Some people really don't age...at least with the help of lots of makeup!

Zack Morris (a.k.a. Mark Paul Gosselaar, but he played himself playing Zack Morris. Amazing.) was on Jimmy Fallon last night! He looks exactly the same as he did in the 80s from afar, but you can tell they used TONS of makeup to make it that way when they have close-ups. All in all, this really made my day.

THIS IS TOTALLY CREEPY...and awesome...on so many levels!

Update June 2011: The video won't play anymore. But take it from me, it was AWESOME.

Update September 2013: The video has been found again!!
http://www.hulu.com/watch/76560

Screenshot credits to hulu

Who do you belong to?

The other day, I dropped by friend off at his car, and as he got out of my car, I noticed a single black slipper (a.k.a. "flip flop" to mainlanders...hahaha) sitting on the floor of the passenger side of my car. I looked at it and it was clearly a woman's slipper, so I knew it did not belong to him. My friend just looked at me like I was crazy and got out of the car. I just figured it belonged to one of my co-workers that had been in the car the previous day and/or night.

The next day, I picked up the slipper with my keys and realized that there is really NO part of a slipper/flip-flop that you can touch that is not totally gross. Any part you touch is rubbing up against the person's foot (top or bottom), or between their toes, or is touching the ground constantly. It was a very gross realization.

So I carried the slipper to my office on the end of my car key and walked in, expecting someone to immediately recognize and identify it. No luck. I walked around my whole office with it, asking everyone if it was their slipper.

It doesn't belong to anyone in my office and I can't think of anyone else that would've left a woman's slipper in my car and/or had been in my car that recent to its discovery (did that sentence make any sense?). None of my other friends have contacted me about a misplaced slipper either. It is now officially a ghost slipper.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY...and spooky

Your organs go WHERE?!

Anyone who knows me even a little bit, knows that one of my part-time jobs is that of a wedding guest. I have been to 23 weddings in 3 years, and I have a few more lined up before the end of this calendar year. Anyway, going to so many weddings has led, naturally, to also going to a lot of baby showers and "meet the baby" events.

I'm all about being mature and nodding my head calmly when people talk about painful this, and painful that, and how many centimeters this and how many centimeters that. I took sex ed in school and I've seen "The Miracle of Life". The whole situation really freaks me out, but is also truthfully pretty fascinating...mostly because it's not happening to MY body.

BUT the thing I have learned most recently that TOTALLY blows my mind is finding out that your organs MOVE during pregnancy. What in the world? Organs can't just move, can they? Well, apparently they can, and do. Your organs move up and/or back in your body to accommodate the growing fetus. I'm totally disturbed by this. And they say a picture is worth a thousand words, so here you go (don't worry, it's a cartoon drawing):

http://www.mhhe.com/socscience/sex/common/ibank/ibank/0115.jpg

I'm sorry, but is it just me or is the small intestine almost COMPLETELY GONE in the 3rd picture? I feel like I really need that to be able to eat the amounts of food that I need to eat to be happy. This whole baby thing is indeed a miracle, but it's mostly a miracle that women have babies after finding out what happens to them during pregnancy...and afterwards.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

Rabbit feet are for wusses...try an EAGLE CLAW for REAL luck!

Last weekend I went to the Good Guys Car Show in Pleasanton. It was amazing. It was a dream come true. There were literally acres and acres of classic cars and hot rods! Anyway, this truck was nothing special and we almost walked right by without taking a picture of it...

but then we noticed what was hanging from the rearview mirror...

and it became our favorite truck of the day. It was one of my favorite moments of the day. Yes, my friends, that is an EAGLE CLAW. Forget having a rabbit's foot, you mean business when you have an eagle claw!!

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

gchat wants us back together

Do you use the IM function in gmail (a.k.a. "gchat")? I haven't quite figured out how to control it, at least in terms of who shows up and who doesn't show up on my chat list. The other day, I was on really early in the morning, so I could see everyone's name that was online because there were so few, and my ex-boyfriend's name popped up all of a sudden on my IM list.

A few thoughts about this:

1) Why is my first reaction to his name popping up to PHYSICALLY duck out of the way, like he's going to see me through my computer?

2) I didn't know he had gmail

3) I can't recall emailing him at a gmail account or vice versa

4) I swear I've deleted him multiple times from my contact list (his yahoo and work email addresses; again, I don't recall him even having a gmail account)

I sent him an IM that just said, "How did you show up on my chat list? THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!" To which he responsed with some attempt at being cheeky. To which I responded, "Okay, I'm going to delete you now. So you will disappear from my list and I'll disappear from yours." To which he responded, "Yeah yeah. HA HA. Sure. How are you?" To which I responded...by deleting his contact info, and therefore his name on my IM list. Niiice.

gchat apparently wants us to get back together. I don't agree with it. But I'm sure it's just a matter of time before he shows up again because that has happened to me before. gchat is like a really annoying friend that is convinced you belong with the wrong guy.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY

Oh, and BRyan*, if you're reading this (which would be SO incredibly creepy in and of itself), hello! HA HA. (*Of course, all names have been changed to protect the identity of the person described, and any similarities to the names of actual people I know is purely coincidental).

Your cute...My cute what?

I used to get really creepy messages from really random, creepy guys on MySpace (when I still had a page up. I deleted it for many reasons, including the following). They'd say things like, "your cute, wanna _______?" And the blank was not filled in with fun, non-creepy, suggestions. You get the idea.

Anyway, here's my thing: if you're going to hit on someone, don't do it on MySpace, and don't use such bad grammar (which includes using the word "wanna" for "want to"). I am not the queen of grammar by any means, but this one irks me. The bottom line is:

Your=possessive

You're=contraction of you+are

Saying "your cute" makes no sense. Unless you're commenting about something and you add other words. For example: "[I like] your cute [shoes]".

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY and annoying.

This can't be real

http://www.bestofyoutube.com/story.php?title=pygmy-jerboa

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY!

And a big thank you to my creepiest friend for sending me this link!

The whole idea of blogs is totally creepy

On Saturday, as we were walking to get donuts (donuts=totally NOT creepy), we passed by a pair of brown shoes just chilling in the driveway of my neighbor's cute little house. The shoes looked fairly new; brown canvas, kind of trendy-looking men's shoes. A bit like campers, but canvas instead of leather. Anyway, they were in the driveway a few houses down when we left to get donuts.

By the time we came back (less than 20 minutes later) to my apartment, the shoes were sitting on the front porch area of my apartment building. And they're still sitting there. 4 days later.

THAT'S TOTALLY CREEPY.